Your letter was so lovely and sincere. I admire your facing the challenges that you describe. However I admire even more the desire you have to improve in your mothering skills. You have articulated the very heart of what it means to be a mother. Mothering is not about perfection but instead it is striving to improve, mend, and forgive ourselves for the times that we fall short and to accept that the Lord will empower us to go forward.
Homeschooling is a lifestyle choice, an education choice, a spiritual choice, and a personal choice. Let me address this issue from the most important standpoint, spiritual. Jesus desires the best for our children. Jesus gifts each parent with a precious child. Every child is the Lord's child. In the action of His giving of a child for us to nurture, Jesus is first and foremost allowing us to enter into the divine plan for the child and ourselves as well. Jesus thinks us worthy or He would not have given us the child.
We must pray to know the Lord's will as we parent. We must trust in the Lord's call upon our lives and the uniqueness of that call. Jesus knows that our being able to understand His call upon our lives is key to us following in that call. When we follow in the call that the Lord has upon our lives then we experience a peace that goes beyond human understanding.
Please pray for the Lord to lead you according to His will for your children. Do not think that being the 'perfect' parent is the first prerequisite for homeschooling. J If this were the case then I am certain that 100% of the moms homeschooling would agree that they have fallen short of perfection. Jesus wants to take what is lacking in us and build it up. In our weakness Jesus is made strong. We give ourselves over to the loving Lord and ask that He work a work within us.
Take the time to pray and ask the Lord to lead you.
Again I want you to know that I sincerely admire your being able to speak candidly about the challenges that you are facing in your parenting. Have you spoken with your husband in such a way as to get his input into ways that you might improve your parenting skills? Surely one as open and loving as yourself will have a docile spirit of readiness for accepting guidance. Keep up the good work and most of all keep up the prayers.
Jesus, we love You and long to see Your face. Lord, we ask that You send the empowerment of the Holy Spirit to each parent. Lord, there are so many forces which seek to steal what is not theirs. They seek to steal our peace. They seek to steal our worth. Lord, help us to trust that we are indeed worthy because we belong to You. Lord, I would ask that You send guidance to this mom as she discerns the choice to homeschool. St. Ann, pray for us.
Sending out a prayer,