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Home > Support > Mothering > I just don't understand how all of this struggle is in God's plan....
Question: I am pregnant with my sixth child. As with each pregnancy I've had I am very ill. I am unable to care for our children, cook, clean, anything. This usually lasts until around week 14. I find myself wondering this time if I can keep doing this to myself. My husband and I practice NFP but I know you're not supposed to avoid pregnancy unless you have a grave reason. I just don't understand how all of this struggle is in God's plan. My husband is very much against having more children mostly because of my sickness in pregnancy. I really feel like I don't know where to turn. I don't want to turn against God but I need to take care of my family.

Dear Mom,

Let us pray together before I begin to answer your question.

Dear Jesus, please send Your healing touch to the body of this dear mother. Lord, wash over her with Your loving embrace. Comfort, restore, and heal. Heal her in every way that needs healing. Give her restful sleep and allow that her nausea and physical discomfort leave her if this is Your will. Please place into her life persons who will lovingly care for her and nurture her along this pregnancy. We ask for the continued health of her husband, that he may be able and ready to do what is necessary. Give him the resources to care for his family. Our Lady of LeLeche, pray for us.

Mom, it is a true witness of your holiness and your docility that you would share this very important issue with this forum. Let's talk for a minute about God's plan for His faithful ones.

You are certainly anointed with the Holy Spirit enough to understand that the dear and loving Lord does not give us sorrows to see how we will do with them. He allows sorrow in our life in order that we might better grow towards Him and our Heavenly home. We pray about the "vale of tears." This is indeed how our lives on earth appear to us at times. Sorrow is part of the human condition but it is not meant to define us as children of the Father. We are not called to be a sad people. Sorrow does not define our role in salvation but how we handle it has the potential to hurt our relationship with God.

Is it normal to feel confused when we are heavy burdened? Yes, it certainly is. We ask ourselves over and over the reason behind the suffering. We receive no answer (or so we think) from the Lord. It appears that He has turned away from our cries and decided to leave us. When these thoughts come into our hearts this is a clear sign that the Lord is as close as He can be. Let me explain. The Tempter must work very hard to separate the Lord's faithful ones from the life-giving care of the Lord. He uses to his unfair advantage our human weakness and our human desire to speak with God verbally. This is something that we as humans have longed for since the time of Original Sin (when we were sent from Eden and no longer given the great comfort of walking and talking with the Lord).

The Tempter tells us that since the Lord does not answer our prayers with an audible response nor explains Himself in our suffering, it must be that the Lord does not care. Nothing could be further from the truth.

God loves us completely and without reserve. We are His. He holds us in the palm of His hand. Jesus describes the relationship of us with the Father in terms of great intimacy and tenderness. We are to be comforted in this reality though it does not always appear tangible.

Our beautiful Catholic faith does not call women to produce as many children as we possibly can during our child-bearing years. This is a misconception that has laid the foundation for much misunderstanding. Take the time to read the beautiful document Humanae Vitae. In this inspired work you will find much wisdom that will help to guide your husband and yourself through this difficult time. Speak with your parish priest about your feelings. However I would caution you to ask friends whose opinions you trust, about your priest. Is he supportive of the teachings of Life that the Catholic church imparts? It is important that you not be further confused with inaccurate information. This will only cause you more sorrow.

Please speak with your health care provider. It could very well be that your extreme nausea needs medical attention. Having worked in Obstetrics for many years it is not uncommon for moms to be misled into thinking that nausea of an extreme nature is normal. This is not always so. This type of nausea could be a symptom of a problem that needs treating, for example a vitamin loss, etc. Make certain that you are trying (with your husband's help) to get enough sleep. Sleep deprivation can cause a host of physical problems.

I will close by telling you that sometimes just the comfort of knowing that the Lord is at the helm of the ship during a storm is all we may have to comfort us. His reasons are perfection and His love for us is complete. Take time to sit quietly before the Lord in the Tabernacle. Go alone without children. Slow your breathing, relax and pour your heart out to the One Who loves you fully and without reserve. Then listen to His response. He wants to comfort you.

I will be praying for you daily.

Our Lady of LeLeche, please guard and protect this dear mother. Surround her this day with angels who will comfort and care for her. Give her plenty of food to eat and allow that she be able to rest her body. Keep the dear infant within her body safe and healthy. Let her feel the strength of Your dear Son's arms around her as she travels this sorrow before her. She is holy and we love her dearly. Amen.

John 16:22 (This is my favorite scripture and one that has pulled me through many sorrows)

Sending out a prayer,
Rita Munn

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