Your letter speaks to the basic human struggle that is as keenly felt today as it must have been ages ago. Man struggles to know what is best while working to accept the disappointment of what can not be. I believe that it is this struggle that has led man to look beyond himself and to seek the solace, the understanding and the intervention that man feels is certainly 'out there' somewhere. I know that there are persons who say they do not believe in God and certainly not in God's presence in our earthly life, but for the life of me I can not believe that they are convinced that what they espouse is true. I say this because I know that the loving Lord has created us and therefore He has left His mark upon our spirits. We are created to yearn for that which we can not understand but believe we need in order to find peace in this 'vale of tears'. I am speaking of course of our human need to explain the sorrows that we must face. Our hearts want to know 'why' and our intellect is troubled with reasons. It is in this doubt and confusion that the Tempter works his unholy work.
For you see the Tempter knows as well that the loving Lord has placed the desire for the Lord within our hearts and spirits. Jesus calls us to Himself and we are His completely, despite our frail nature. We are His, even those of us who do not accept His love. The Tempter wants us to think that the Lord does not hear our prayers, our sorrows, our longings, and our confusion. The Tempter takes an Almighty, All Powerful God and attempts to place Him in a box. He does this by working on our frail nature to encourage us to see only with the eyes of a human. Our human ability to understand the Lord is totally inadequate. It is not possible for us to see beyond what our human hearts tell us to be true. That is why faith is such a precious gift. Remember that faith is a gift that is never denied to anyone. Faith is ours for the asking. We do not need to deserve faith but in order to preserve faith we must go to the Lord each minute of every day and refill our reservoir of faith. Jesus tells us to "Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters" Isaiah 55:1 (Please read this entire Psalm for it is truly lovely.).
Nothing could be more dry than our spirits when they are heavy burdened with sorrow. Our tears are long past shed and there remain no more tears to water our sorrows. Our hearts are empty of all joy and we can not even anticipate or believe that happiness will ever be ours. We see our lives as stretching on and on in this sameness and sorrow. Yet Jesus tells us to come to the water all who thirst. Jesus would not invite us to the water of his love and healing if He was not going to give us something to drink.
We must accept that we can not possibly understand the ways of the Lord. However we must believe with the power of faith that Jesus loves us and desires good for us and has a plan that is filled with joy and redemption. We must go to the water and drink of this truth. We must believe it despite the evidence that overwhelms our human spirits.
I love the passage about the desperate father whose son was possessed with a demon. Jesus was confronted with the great sorrow of this father who wanted Jesus to heal his son. Jesus asked the father if he believed and the father 'cried out' his reply. The words, 'cried out', speak to the pain with which this poor father must have felt. Mark 9:23-24: "Jesus said to him, 'If you can! Everything is possible to one who has faith.' Then the boy's father cried out, 'I do believe, help my unbelief.'" This is very powerful.
When Jesus says 'Everything is possible to one who has faith', He is not telling us that our faith is a magic wand that moves God to do what we want. Instead our faith is a tool that moves us to believe that the Lord will do what is best for us despite what we want. There have been times in my life when I have been so burdened with sorrow that I was unable to ask the Lord for what I wanted because I didn't know what would be best in a particular situation. It is in those times that our faith moves us to say, 'Whatever Lord you will, just love me through it and give me the strength to do as You will."
With those words Jesus opens our hearts, minds and spirits with such an abundance of faith that in that instance we are weak and ready to rest in the Lord's embrace so He can do the work we ask of Him. Jesus loves us so much that our meager desires for our happiness are small in comparison to what the Lord wants to do and can do. However we must first let the Lord work in us, through our sorrow, and despite our lack of understanding.
Please seek the guidance and consolation of speaking with your parish priest or another person of faith. You are experiencing a dark time right now and as such you need a light upon the path. Receive the healing medicine of the Holy Eucharist often and allow the Lord's Body to be your comfort. Ask the Lord to heal every part of your spirit that needs healing. Pray the rosary and let the Blessed Mother take your hand and guide you through the life of Jesus. Ask the dear Blessed Mother to cover you with her Mantle and protect your spirit from the ravages of doubt and confusion. She longs to protect her children.
Go to the water and drink of the Lord's goodness. Continue in your prayers and believe with all your heart that the Lord not only hears your prayers but is on the case and is working to resolve the sorrows that you are bearing at this time. Do not weary yourself with trying to lay before you a plan of happiness. Let the Lord work the plan for He is Almighty and He will work for you.
Though my words are feeble in comparison to the greatness of the Lord's love, I am totally convinced of the Lord's love for you, me, and everyone whom He has created. I know that there is a Heaven and that Jesus will take us there when He is ready to. The scripture that has pulled me through many a sorrow is John 16:22: "For now you have sorrow but I will come again and you will know joy that no man can take from you."
I am praying for you, dear sister in Christ. I pray for you on the 4th Glorious Mystery. You are an inspiration and you are certainly a daughter of the King. You have shared from your heart a great sorrow and in this you are a powerful witness for the Lord. I praise God and thank Him for the beauty of your holy witness.
Jesus we ask that you surround our dear sister in Christ with the embrace of Your love. Let her feel this embrace in a tangible way. Send persons into her life that will uplift and encourage her as she works through this great sorrow. Give her eyes that see beyond the sadness and give her a heart that anticipates joy. Lord you are in every moment and where you are miracles are happening. Amen.
Sending out a prayer,