Bless your heart. These are weary days when we find that our zeal for the tasks to be done has gone away. We question our resolve and we question our vocation. It is also a dangerous time in that we might make decisions based upon the emotions that we are experiencing in the present moment. My best advice would be to first seek the advice of your husband. Sit with him and talk about your feelings and your challenges. Having someone to listen to you as you explain what is in your heart helps us to better understand what we are feeling. It could be that there are challenges unrelated to homeschooling that are nagging at you and stealing your joy. Speaking with our spouse is important and certainly within the will of the Lord.
When was the last time you had a complete physical? Seriously, the simplest of problems can present the greatest of challenges. Recently I was diagnosed with hypothyroid disease. For 4-6 weeks before the diagnosis I felt like I was dragging a sack of concrete around with me. Every task was an effort and every effort was exhausting. I knew something was wrong and I suspected hypothyroid but until the diagnosis was made I went through good days followed by days of extreme exhaustion. I am glad that I did not make any life changing choices during the time I was under attack.
Which brings me to another issue. Many times we modern people do not want to realize or believe that the Tempter is actually seeking and actively attacking us at every opportunity. This attack is apt to be most strong during those times of stress. When outside forces coupled with inside stresses (matters that are of the heart) are invading our life we must resolve to stay very close to the Lord. Our prayer life must and should be a priority. It is during these times that if is very important that we pray quietly before the Blessed Sacrament. I like to pray for 10 minutes or so, emptying my spirit of all that sorrows me, and then listen for 10 minutes. Listen carefully to the Lord and He will speak with you about your challenges. Put away the homeschooling and concentrate upon you and your vocation. Listen to the Lord anew and hear His gentle calling for you.
Your children are very vulnerable during this time of weariness. In your mind it is probably better for them that they be away from you than they be with you. However it could be that what they need most now is a mom who is fully mom and not teacher/mom. If your present state of mind continues then it could be that the Lord is calling you from the homeschooling lifestyle. Even despite the ills of public education it would better for your children to be taught by a dedicated teacher. However I think that it is far too soon to leap from homeschooling to public school. I think you need to reevaluate your calling, your methods, and your situation. Put out of your mind all the thoughts of homeschooling and rest in the arms of the Lord this summer. Take time away from your responsibilities and just enjoy your children. Enjoy your favorite activities. I like to walk every morning or swim every morning. This is my time and it is necessary for me in order that I have the spirit for self sacrifice so vital to caring for a large family. It is the Lord who strengthens us and it is the Lord who guides us. It is within His will that we seek to care for our physical person.
Though I can not physically help you during this time of weariness I can assure of my prayers. I want you to know that CHC is more than just a curriculum provider. CHC is dedicated to parents and to the great joy to be had in the homeschooling lifestyle. CHC believes that we must approach the vocation of homeschooling holistically, nurturing and uplifting every aspect of the family's home life and their walk in faith with Jesus. You are not alone in your challenge. Prayer is the strongest weapon on earth and in Heaven. It is of the Lord and it directs our efforts because pray moves the heart of God. We are created from God for God and in His mercy and tender love He has given to us this greatest of all weapons to combat the ills and sorrows of this world. Your struggles are within our prayers and we will cover you with prayer.
I admire you very much. It takes great strength to allow others to see your weakness. It also takes great faith because in our weakness, the Lord is made strong. Please read 2 Corinthians: 7-10. This scripture speaks to the frail nature of all humans and the great desire of the Lord to uplift, inspire and empower us on our journey to our Heaven home.
Let us offer up our prayers this morning for all those families that are dealing with the loss of a loved one. Let us offer up our prayers for the elderly that must remain behind on this earth when a spouse has gone to their reward. Lord, we ask that you surround these tenderly with your arms and comfort them gently while they meet the challenges ahead. Amen.
Sending out a prayer,