Dear Mom,

It seems that the years of adult formation (teen years) are some of the most challenging that parents face. I think that if there are going to be challenges please let them come while the child is still very much attached to home due to situation and need. Many teens feel that they are ready to take on most any situation or circumstance that is presented but as parents we know that this is just not true. Having the child still very much dependent upon the parent makes it far easier to work through these challenges.

I suppose you would have to ask yourself, what you have gained in using this new school. Despite the pluses of education it seems that there has been some introduction of behaviors that are contrary to your desires for your daughter. As previously stated, if you believe that the only way to begin again with your daughter is to remove her from the negative influences then this time in her life is the time to do so. When she leaves home etc. you really do not have as much control.

Ask yourself what behaviors does she exhibit that are worrisome. Look at the behavior objectively and determine your feelings about the behavior. During the teen years it is important to pick your battles carefully. For example, my sons all wanted long hair when they were teens. We felt like this was going to be okay and it was minor in comparison to other areas that were worse. Today only one of my sons has long hair and the rest prefer short hair. I believe that friends are far more dangerous than music. Ask yourself about your daughter's friends. Begin by allowing that your house will be the house where everyone will gather. Get to know her friends and become familiar with their habits etc. This is prudent in that it gives you an opportunity to more fully understand what your daughter is seeking in their friendship.

Power plays rarely work as someone always comes away feeling like a victim. Seek to discover the deeper layer behind your daughter's rebellion. Does she feel inadequate with her peer group? Is she lacking confidence? Is she searching for her unique gifts? Talk with her about her pursuits etc. Does she have a hobby or favorite past time? Was she belittled in her new school?

The most valuable part of your day and time is spent is listening, listening, listening to your daughter. Quietly listen to all she has to say. Do not expect that there will be a dramatic change in her behavior, but stay close to her and keep the lines of communication open.

I admire your desire to work through this very real challenge. I feel that my answers are inadequate but I am praying for you and praying that the Holy Spirit will guide your thoughts. Please stay close to the Blessed Sacrament as you work through this issue. Take time to sit quietly before the Blessed Sacrament in adoration. Ask the dear Lord to empower you with the wisdom necessary to work peacefully and with great love and tenderness towards your daughter.

Let us pray today for all the teens that have run away from home. Lord, we ask that they will be brought back to their families and loved ones. Please put people in their paths that will move them to return to those who can help them. Amen.

Sending out a prayer,

Rita Munn