Dear Mom,

Your letter is very interesting and certainly gets to the heart of the struggles parents must work through as our 'babies' become young men and women. We want to allow that they have the freedoms necessary to go into the world to make choices and to become productive persons capable and ready to support not only themselves but perhaps families as well. It is also necessary that our children have the confidence sufficient to take on those situations that pose challenges and difficulties. Where are we to turn and to what degree are we to offer our advice and restrictions as we see fit?

I think it is interesting to look back to the days of driving. I am certain that you can remember those first few days when your fledgling drivers went solo. Whew, those are scary times. They are not meant to be but they do cause us to hold our breath. Just yesterday I was sitting 'shotgun' with the latest driver trainee in our household. I had to hold my tongue and my breath as she seem to go a little too fast and stop a little too sharp. I spoke her name in a nervous tone when I thought she did not see a car stopped in front of us. I was spent by the time we got to the 4H meeting. My husband usually handles the teaching of driving skills but he was out of town. After we arrived at the meeting I asked her if she had ever driven with her dad in heavy rush hour traffic. Her reply was no but she had always wanted to.

As our children begin to explore the world beyond it is very important that we be in constant prayer. We must allow for the Holy Spirit to empower us to be patient, calm, and peaceful during these difficult transition years. Once children leave for college the good parenting must stand alone. We are not with them and as such we must allow that it is for the moment time to test all that they have learned and all that they believe to be true. There are of course the calls home, the advice given, the advice ignored. There is a measure of apprehension when the boundaries are widened even further with more independence. I will never forget the day one of our older sons called at the end of his Sophomore year in college to tell us that he was going to Madagascar for 6 weeks. (I jokingly said, is that in Ohio?) Of course he meant the island off the coast of Africa. I remember speaking with my husband about all the dangers that could befall our son from plane crashes to Hepatitis. At the end of a long discussion he suggested that we go to dinner and at least change the scenery of our discussion (to say it was a discussion is to put it loosely as I was doing all the worrying and talking). At the end of the evening after dinner, my husband spoke very tenderly and said to me, 'Rita, the children are not babies anymore. The days of bending over the bath tub washing little faces are gone yet we have been blessed to see a new growth and a new change in them. It is true that they may make mistakes that will hurt us or sorrow us, but we have signed on with the Lord's care to be their parents forever. If our son dies in a plane crash, we can know that we did all we could do and that he is a happy young man who lives life without fear. Let's just get prepared for this new phase of parenting and not try to parent an adult as though they were a child.' Of course he was right but it still felt odd to not have the last word in where the children would go and what they would do. As the years have gone by I have found that when my husband is apprehensive about a new phase I can lift him up and vise versa. Isn't God good?

Several years have past since that time and we have seen many new adventures unfold for our children from marriages to grandchildren. It isn't always easy but it is always a blessing to be a parent. We pray what we cannot say to our grown children and we know in our hearts that the Lord will honor our prayers. No prayer is ever wasted. It is the prayers of a mother that are so powerful before the Lord.

I suspect that you may be having a new appreciation for your own parents and the struggles that they endured now that you are beginning this new journey. I did the same. I found that writing in my journal all the thoughts and regrets (I am deeply sorry for every time I argued with my mom about some silly teenager issue especially now that I have been nearly 20 years raising teens) helped me to get in touch with my deepest fears about my own children repeating my mistakes. :) I can see more clearly than ever my mother's wisdom and her love in each and every challenge. What I mistook for 'controlling behavior' was love in action, sometimes anxiety at work but always a desire to spare me sorrow. Sometimes our young people will listen to our cautions and sometimes they won't. Yet we should never give up or stop loving them the best we know how.

Jesus knows the heart of a mother. Speak to Him and ask that He show you the best way to parent during this time. Allow yourself plenty of patience and keep the lines of communication open. I can not say that enough.

Take heart, dear sister in Christ, the best is yet to come. Nothing is like holding your first grandchild. When I held my first in the delivery room, all I could say over and over was, 'Thank You, Jesus, I never thought I would see such a day as this.'

Let us pray a Hail Mary for all those families that are torn apart by misunderstanding and sorrows. Let us ask that they reconcile and love one another, putting aside all the worldly temptations to be strong for strong's sake. Jesus tells us that in our weaknesses He is made strong in us. Lord, we are weak and long to see Your face. Show us the true priorities of this world and allow that we love those You have given to us to love. Amen.

Sending out a prayer,

Rita Munn