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Home > Support > Teaching the Faith > How do I handle prayers? Do I make my children kneel and pray with me?
 
 
Question: Ever since my oldest child was a baby, I have shared the joy of bedtime prayers, books, and songs with my children. Each night, tired or not, sick or not, home or not, we say prayers together. We say the Angel of God which we follow with prayers for our family and friends, the sick and suffering, the dead and the unborn, Catholics around the world and especially all of the special priests and seminarians in our lives. We follow with Hail Mary, Our Father, Act of Contrition, Hail Holy Queen, Memorare and the Glory Be. I know I set a bad example by praying while sitting on the bed either next to my children or holding them; I should have been on my knees from day one. I have never made my children say the prayers with me or for me.

Recently I told my 4 year old that she was old enough to pray with me. She is asserting her independence by rejecting my task. My 2 year old is usually playing or climbing on me during prayers and I have just had enough. I am so embarrassed to God that my children are so disrespectful and that I am fouling this up so much. Please tell me what to do. How do I handle prayers? Do I have a separate bedtime for each child? Do I make my children kneel and pray with me? Am I saying too many prayers? I feel like a rotten mother. Help!?
Answer:

Dear Mom,

I was praying the entire time I was reading your beautiful and heartfelt letter. I heard the good Jesus tell me the following, "Please tell my sweet one how very much I love her. She is my precious daughter and I could never be upset with her." I can tell you that the dear and tender Lord is holding you very close at this moment. He longs to help you through this challenge. You are a loving and powerful witness of a mother's love for her little ones. It was an inspiration for me to read your letter. Thank you.

Let's see if we can sort things out and come to a place of peace concerning night prayers. Small children have very short attention spans. They are designed this way so as to move quickly through their day soaking up all the new experiences and opportunities to learn. With this in mind it may be better to rethink the length of night prayer. Bedtimes can be a matter of conflict for young children. They are sometimes anxious about the separation that is about to occur. They are at times confused by "adult" prayers. The words do not carry the same weight or meaning that they do for us.

I do not think that the physical position of our bodies matters to the Lord nearly as much as the position of our hearts when we pray. In other words, it is perfectly acceptable for you to loving hold your small daughter or sit on the edge of the bed while the two of you pray together. Jesus is sitting there as well. He holds all of you tenderly and with great love as you pray.

In the evening I crawl into bed and pray or read until I feel sleep overtake me. Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine that Jesus is sitting on the edge of the bed, His hands folded in His lap, His eyes fixed upon me in a loving gaze. He speaks quietly to me and says "Rita, tell me what fills your heart and mind. I want to take care of your concerns. Please know that I love you and desire to be here for you." I tell Him all that is on my heart.

Would it be possible for you to read the prayers that you would like to say with your little ones from a prayer book that is designed for children? Comforting and beautiful pictures that accompany the words may be easier for your children to pay attention to. Ask them to close their eyes and silently ask Jesus to hear their prayers. This will help them to understand that Jesus is indeed listening to them. Keep prayer time simple and short. Two to three minutes of fruitful time is better than twenty minutes that end in frustration.

A two year old is wiggly and restless much of the time, especially when your attentions are obviously focused upon a quiet activity. It is perfectly natural for you to embrace her while you pray with your four year old. Perhaps give each daughter their own quiet prayer time. First to the bedside of one and then to the crib of the other.

If it is possible, hang a holy water font on the wall of their bedroom. Make sure you place it up high enough to avoid them playing with it. At night before they get tucked in, take them to the holy water font and bless them with the sign of the cross. Make this a bedtime ritual. Even without the holy water font, you can trace the sign of the cross on their little foreheads and silently ask that the angels protect them. I say silently, because sometimes small children are upset when they think that they need "protecting." Child are sensitive to words. We do not want prayer to be associated with the implication of danger that might happen.

I suppose the most important issue that I want to address is the feeling that you have of being a "rotten" mother. Nothing could be further from the truth. You are striving to bring your children to the Lord. After a long day of caring for little ones it is not unusual for anyone of us to feel spent. We become frustrated and eager to do the right thing as we understand it for the moment. The Lord is compassionate and longs for us to know that He is helping us work through our challenges. He places His arms around the drooping shoulders of the tired and weary mother, He holds her tenderly and allows her to cry or to ask for guidance. He longs to build us up and bring us higher than we are at this low moment. He does not admonish or feel anger, instead He is merciful and tender. You are His dear sweet one and He loves you beyond our human reasoning to understand.

Dearest Jesus, we come to You this evening to ask for a special anointing of the Holy Spirit upon our dear sister in Christ. Lord, she is striving to do as You have instructed us to do. "Bring the little ones to Me. Let them come for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these." Please show her in Your mercy and care solutions for these bedtime challenges. Lord, I would ask that each evening You give her the clear and certain knowledge that You are there with her as she allows sleep to overtake her. Refresh her sleep, allowing her to wake renewed to do the work for the day. We love You, Lord Jesus, and are eager to be held in Your embrace. Let us relax and bring our cares to You. You are ever faithful and ever ready to minister and comfort. Our Lady of LeLeche, help of mothers, pray for us. Amen.

Sending out a prayer,
Rita Munn

   
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