I really enjoyed reading your letter. The purity of spirit and willingness to follow in the Lord's will for you and your family was an inspiration. I was greatly uplifted and encouraged by your witness. I praise the Lord and thank Him for allowing me to be a small part of your discernment process. I have asked that the Holy Spirit anoint our efforts on behalf of this important topic.
It has been my experience that when we begin the discernment process we must first quiet our thoughts. For me this starts with quiet prayer before the Blessed Sacrament and quiet prayer alone in my room where I normally pray privately. I want to ask the Holy Spirit to bathe me in the wisdom and comfort that I trust He will bring to me. I want to place my thoughts and worries in the hands of the dear and tender Jesus. Pray for 10 minutes, using that time to pour out your concerns. Then listen for 10 minutes and be ready to receive the inspirations that Jesus is sending to you alone.
Remain in an attitude of prayer throughout the remainder of the discernment process. When you sense endless questions entering your thoughts bind those away and ask the Lord to give you clear knowledge.
When we are in the process of discernment it is really best not to bring too many thoughts about others in the loop. In other words, your choices for your lovely family should be based upon your concerns for your children. Being anxious about the ramifications of your choice with regards to the school, is probably confusing the process. A thought just occurred to me. I will share it as I feel it may be something I am supposed to tell you. Suppose you left the children there and the school was unable to remain open financially despite your loyalty? Perhaps the school is in the state of discernment about whether to remain open and needs forthright parents to come before them with their concerns and plans. It probably muddles the mix having conflicting ideas.
In my mind you have already consulted and asked for confirmation from the most logical person, your husband. The Sacrament of Marriage, with all its graces, is very powerful. It is this power in your union before the Lord that Jesus will honor. Remember this dilemma wants to reconciled. Jesus has placed a desire on your heart. You have heard a gentle and reassuring call. Answer to the best of your knowledge based upon what you feel is best for your family.
Try very hard not to fly too far ahead of the dove (Holy Spirit). If Jesus in His tender mercy and supreme love for us His precious little ones, has told us that while He goes to the Father He will not leave us orphans, we must trust in this promise. The journey is best enjoyed one step at a time, one challenge at a time. If something comes up that necessitates your discontinuing the homeschooling journey then we have to trust that this too was from the Lord and He will supply answers to problems. Our Lord is not a God of confusion. He does not want us to wander as an orphan without care. He wants to lead us. He will lead us ever so gently and all the while encouraging us to "Be not afraid."
A very wise homeschooling mother once told me, "If homeschooling doesn't work out then the worst that I have done to my children is spend a year with them giving them my undivided attention and care. Is that so bad?"
This statement more than any other has helped me to put homeschooling into perspective and focus.
If you feel the Lord calling you to homeschool, then answer the call, give it your best effort and see where the Lord takes you from there.
I admire you greatly. I sense that you are in a difficult place at the moment. However you are seeking the Lord's will and in this you will find your peace. Life choices are many times hard to make. Make them with confidence in the Lord's providential care and He will show you if you have taken a wrong turn. You are an inspiration and I ask that you remember me in your prayers. Your children are greatly blest in a mother who cares deeply for their well-being. Yet even more important they have a mommy who desires the Lord's will and the strength to rest in that will. God love you.
Jesus, as we come before You today with the concerns of this dear mother, we ask that You send a fresh anointing of your Holy Spirit upon her efforts to discern Your will in the matters that troubles her. Jesus, we love You and long to place our whole body, mind, and spirit within Your loving arms. Please send to all persons that face a difficult discernment process the clear knowledge of Your desire to guide them gently and lovingly to the correct path. Guard and protect this family and we bind the Tempter from their thoughts and home. Keep them open and ready to receive You. Amen.
Sending out a prayer,