Your letter was wonderfully written and expressed an issue that many of the Lord's little ones face daily. Surely it is the human condition to look towards God and ask "why." You want to know why the Lord would call you into the homeschooling lifestyle only to allow such a burden that hinders your being able to teach peacefully.
When we come to the Lord and follow in His will for our lives, this does not guarantee that we will be on an easy path. The guarantee however is that the Lord will never leave us or abandon us to the difficulties, challenges, or sorrows that He alone allows in our lives. His loving and tender Holy Spirit is a real companion on this journey.
The good Lord allows certain burdens in our life in order to strengthen us or to teach us. Many times the Lord asks us to carry a burden because He knows that we will do so in such a way as to honor Him, thus serving to be a holy witness for others who may be struggling. This is the Lord's highest compliment.
I would imagine that you are a loving and sweet spirited woman who works very hard to maintain a centered peace while raising and teaching your children. Certainly this is a challenge considering the situation that you find yourself in at this time. Being separated from your husband must be a great sorrow. We look to our spouses for so much more than physical support. They are our best friend and as such the person with whom we feel the most comfortable and at ease with and with whom we share our lives. When that support is lacking or missing altogether, this creates stress and tension in us.
Try to see some of your challenges as coming from this situation more so than where you are living at the moment.
Though you may not feel very holy or spiritual much of the time, I believe that you are indeed uplifting those around you. Your quiet witness is of the Lord and the Lord Himself will empower you to do what He is asking of you at this time. Go to Him. Seek the Lord's guidance and ask with the faith of a child that He instruct you tenderly in the way He would have you handle the conflicts that you describe.
Remember that homeschooling is very flexible. I would imagine that living on a dairy farm presents your children with many educational opportunities. Homeschooling does not mean that we spend a rigid amount of time sitting around the dining room table with opened books. Homeschooling can take many forms. Think of this as continuing education or advanced studies abroad.
Remember that because homeschooling is flexible it can be done during different times of the day. I have moms who have called and described situations where their husbands farm and the children work with their parents during the day and do formal studies in the evening. Many subjects can be effectively taught merely by reading and discussing the material in a relaxed and open manner. History is one such subject.
Keep your dear children reading. Reading is the most important foundational tool for learning. Reading to children and encouraging them to read on their own is vital to ensure that formal education is progressing no matter the circumstances.
Children are designed by the Lord to be learning always, every day and in every way. Everything that comes in front of a child is a learning experience.
I am thinking and praying at this moment and I hear the Lord tell me something that I want to share with you.
One day your dear children will look back upon this experience as an enriching time of great blessing. Remember that moms hold the keys to the deeper meaning of life's experience. There is an old saying, "If momma ain't happy ain't no one happy." Have you ever heard that? It is funny, isn't it? But it is so true.
Mothers are able to take a lemon of an experience and with the Lord's great abundant graces turn that into lemonade.
You are a dear mommy. Let the Lord help you through this time. Speak candidly with those who love you and seek their help and cooperation in the areas that seem to be the biggest problems. Discuss together in a family caucus those matters that affect the group. What a powerful learning experience that alone will be for your children. Keep smiling. Take good care of yourself. Manage some time by yourself to unite yourself in prayer with the needs of your husband and your life. Do not let unrealistic demands put undo stress and sorrow upon you. Jesus loves you dearly and wants to help always.
Jesus, we come this morning with a prayer for our dear sister in Christ. Please empower her with the graces necessary to weather this challenge in ways that honor Your holy presence in her life. Let her feel the power of Your Holy Spirit this moment and give her blessed confirmation of Your presence. We love You, Lord, and long to see Your face. Please bless her husband and keep him healthy as he works to provide for his family. We praise You and thank You for allowing her to live with people who love her and want to help. St. Isidore, pray for us. St. Joseph, pray for us.
Sending out a prayer,