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Question:

I tried homeschooling with my two oldest for a short time, but for a variety of reasons, had to put the girls back to school. My 9 yr old keeps begging to be homeschooled, and I could see how homeschooling would fit her great. However, my 12 year old, who will be going into 7th grade is uncertain. She says she likes some parts of homeschooling, but also really likes school. She also is our 99% on her Iowa test scorer and our all A student. She gets a lot of her accolades from her grades and academic accomplishments. We are trying to decide what to do for this fall. (Last year was quite tumultuous, as we started in one school, homeschooled for 4 months and put them back at a different school, we don't want that again.) If we homeschool, can we homeschool the one and send the other to school? Is it worth it to have my older daughter home for 2 years, when she most likely will go to public high school? Is there a time when you know you shouldn't homeschool? I can't seem to let go of the homeschool idea, but my husband says maybe I need to look at why they are OK at school and that homeschooling may not be good for us (we had a rough 4 months of homeschooling last school year), and that would be fine. I on the other hand, don't want to give up on it yet, but am so torn with so many issues regarding our older daughter. Any comments you have would be so appreciated. I apologize for the long, multiple question e-mail.

Answer:

Dear Mom,

Please do not apologize for the nature of your letter. Let me tell you something that I think will help you with that regard. My brother Fr. Kent has often told me that when we pray to know the Lord's will we are in a good position to hear the Holy Spirit's guiding and direction. When we are in this position it is then that we must work through the details of an issue. We find that we talk it over with others, listen to the advice of others, and seek confirmation in the opinions of others. There are many times when talking over a challenge helps us to see all the sides of the issue.

I have a tendency to agree with your husband. I would go one step further and determine why your younger daughter would be more comfortable in the homeschool. This is not to say that you should abandon homeschooling altogether but it is important to understand the feelings our children have with regard to the method of schooling before we can begin the work of educating our children within the homeschool lifestyle.

Ask yourself a few questions concerning the older daughter. Is it the school environment that she enjoys or the time with her friends? Is it the academics she craves or the awards and the certificates that are a natural byproduct of her academic achievements? Some children find that they perform at their best when they compete with other students. This is a personality trait of some children and one that is not altogether unacceptable. The challenge is to find those opportunities for them to exercise that competitive nature. Now think about your younger daughter. Does she want to come home to the homeschool because she feels inferior to her peer group? Has someone been unkind to her? Does she find the nature of a classroom setting too overwhelming and thus she struggles with keeping up with her peers? Are you concerned that she may fall behind the classroom instruction?

The homeschool environment is not a 'cookie cutter' type of education. Parents strive to meet the needs of their children using their knowledge of the personalities, likes, and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses of each child. This means that the educational experience is tailored to meet the unique needs of the student. In a workable and productive classroom this is certainly the goal of the teacher as well. As a parent, you have a decided advantage over the classroom teacher in that you intimately understand what is peculiar to your student and as a rule you are working with much smaller numbers of students. It is possible to homeschool one sibling and not the other however you must make certain that the one daughter is being homeschooled not because it is an inferior education but because you feel called to do so.

Another question to consider is your personal feelings about homeschooling. Ask yourself why you want to homeschool. This is important in that your concerns about your children and their education are definitely tied up in your reason to chose homeschooling. You asked if there was a time when one would know that they shouldn't homeschool. I believe that is an important question. I tell parents not to homeschool out of fear. The Lord does not call us from a sense of fear. In fact we are not given a spirit of fear. We have a spirit of prudence and right judgment but fear is from the Tempter.

Give yourself a week to pray about this matter. Do not worry over the details any longer. Ask the Lord to clearly show you the way He would have you go. If during that week something comes to mind jot it down on a piece of paper. Make a list of pros and cons. During this time of reflection give yourself over to prayer. If at all possible spend time before the Blessed Sacrament. Once your choice is made, put down all doubt. Go forward with the intent of success.

You are very blest in that your husband is willing and ready to discuss these important issues with you. Keep praying and seeking the peace of confirmation. Pray for a docile heart that is willing to hear the Lord's voice. Remember that more children are hurt from the effects of an indifferent parent than from a parent who is striving to do the best for their child.

Let us pray together a Hail Mary for the intentions that you have mentioned. Lord, we ask that in Your great mercy that You shower this dear mom with peace and allow that she understand clearly the choices before her. Lord, we love You and long to see Your face. Lord, give her husband and her the quiet discernment necessary to break through the shadows of confusion and go forward into a plan that meets the unique needs of her children. St. Ann, pray for us.

Sending out a prayer,

Rita Munn