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Home > Support > Homeschooling > I'm noticing a growing tendency in our homeschool group that there is a "right" and a "wrong" way to homeschool......

Question:

We have an informal Catholic homeschooling support group in our area that has been active for over 15 years. We have an email chat loop, meet for breakfasts once a month, and enjoy a mom's night out 3 times/year. It has always been a great gift. We have grown to over 30 women in the group, praise God! Over the past year, some of us "older" moms have been noticing a growing tendency with many of the newer moms (1-3 years homeschooling) that there is a "right" and a "wrong" way to homeschool. A few of us have gently suggested in conversations that homeschooling is so much more than curriculum, that each family is inspired by the Holy Spirit to school differently, but the comments have gone nowhere. A few older moms have stopped going to the gatherings, and I, too, have skipped a few. I don't want to listen to comparisons and rankings! Do you think us older moms need to be more blunt? I'm so afraid that we might cause more hurt feelings, but what used to be a support time has become more of a comparing each other time. I know as a more experienced home schooler I must be willing to build up those starting out. So, how do we get the focus back to general support and away from categorizing into the "right" kind of homeschoolers and the "wrong" homeschoolers. Any suggestions would be great! Thank you and God bless you.

Answer:

Dear Mom,

Thank you for your question. It brings to light an issue that I believe many of us 'long time' homeschoolers are dealing with during this phase of our life.This is quite like the isolation an older mom may feel when she realizes that her peer group has gone back to work and is no longer in the 'baby' business. I think you can understand what I am expressing. Older moms with several children are caught between nursing, soccer games, and issues with young adults leaving little or no time for the normal socializing that is so much a part of play dates and coffee dates where the moms talk and the 'littles' play nearby. (Not related but very important just the same. My older children got very irritated going to mom meetings where they were the oldest children there. This meant they were usually pressed into service as babysitters so that moms could really relax. After all they were so helpful.)

I believe that the wisdom to know when to speak to these issues is more important than actually addressing the issues. When I go to our homeschool co-op I am uplifted and at the same time amazed that many of the moms homeschooling are the same age as my older daughters. Though I am not the oldest mom in attendance I am among that elite group. Hee, hee. I used to sit during break and try to contribute to the discussions of curriculum etc. but it was very clear early on that I was on a different wave length because of my experience, the number of children, and the number of years I had been homeschooling. I realized that the newbie moms were merely trying to figure things out their way just as I had done so many years ago. In many ways their journey reminds me of the journey that each woman travels as she begins to parent. Our first response to parenting is to seek to change the way we understand parenting from the experiences we have from childhood. What new wife hasn't felt this way? Being fresh and new in a journey gives one an energy and perspective that is unique. This energy will be precious as the time wears on.

Wisdom is a gift from the Lord. This gift is best appreciated when it is allowed to be witnessed. Your holy witness of patience and kindness will speak volumes to new homeschoolers. Your sweet attitude and docility of spirit will encourage them to ask questions and to respect your journey. They will naturally be drawn to you in a way that will be of the Lord.

I would not tolerate direct confrontation that would lead to hurtful comments about an individual's style or method of teaching/parenting. Certainly this is a time to speak up and defend one another should this happen. However it is true that sometimes in the zeal to walk the journey, many times that zeal can lead to misunderstandings.

When I go to co-op now I take my knitting. Because I only teach two classes (Latin and Language Arts) I have two hours of free time. I choose to sit in a tucked away spot away from the chatter of curriculums etc. I pray while I knit. I pray for each person attending the co-op. However it is amazing and uplifting to me the number of times a mom will approach me and ask if I have a few minutes to talk. Last week a mom who is about my age asked if she could speak to me and would I pray with her about some concerns with her family.

God is good. He brings us, His workers, to the fields that He wants us to plow for the day. He gently guides us to take our place behind the plow and to walk diligently and patiently in our work. Our work, our spirit, our docility, our kindness is our witness as we do what the Lord asks. You are a Proverbs woman in every sense of the word. Though you may not weave your own cloth, you are indeed weaving something far more important. You are weaving a network of friendship among all the women who have the great pleasure of your company. Your sweet and tender nature will speak the words of Christ and touch hearts far more effectively than instruction could ever manage.

I would consider it a privilege to participate in a group of women such as you describe. Thank you for your letter and your insightful comments.

Let us pray together for all women who journey with us as they work each day to care for their families in the spirit of the Blessed Mother. Let us offer our prayers for their efforts and ask that the dear mother of Christ uplift, encourage and guide us each step of the way.

Sending out a prayer,

Rita Munn