Dear Mom,

First off I am very sorry for the loss that you have suffered in the death of your dear mother. I believe that your kind and patient love and tender care of her needs through the last journey of her life to her Eternal Joy in Heaven is a beautiful witness of the depth and breadth that families go to care for one another in imitation of Jesus. It must have caused you great pain to have the joy of new life in one aspect of your situation and watch as your dear mother's earthly life was leaving her. I wish that we were in the same room at this moment so that we could give one another a hug and feel the strength of the Holy Spirit in that embrace.

It is no wonder that you believe your family suffered the burden of setbacks in the past year. However I do not believe that you handled the situation poorly at all. In fact I believe that the priorities of taking care of your family's needs far outweighed the lower priority of formal education. It is so easy to forget that each day our children awaken and begin their day, they are indeed learning. Children and adults for that matter are learning machines. We learn constantly. We should be tuned in and ready for inspirations as each moment of the day unfolds. We are created to be children of wonder and amazement. Learning is a lifelong process. I would also venture a hypothesis with regard to your dear husband's feelings. Being the loving and attentive man that I sense he is, means that he is every bit a St. Joseph for his family. He is a guardian and a protector. In this role it is important to him that he see the continuity and health of his little family preserved. He wants what he feels is the best for you and the children. His burden is great in that he suffers for your health and the overall health of the family. Sometimes dads are too close to the situation to fully understand the situation.

Often times dad sees mom up most of the night with a nursing baby and busy throughout the day with the needs of small children and the demands of a household and it is overwhelming to him. He in his mind can not imagine the work to be peaceful or possible (I for one would never want to go to my husband's aerospace firm and attend the endless meetings, etc. that he seems to enjoy). Because men are for the most part of their being, 'protectors', they fast forward to solutions. Your dear husband sees the school as taking on what you can not do and therefore the situation is solved. However in his loving attention to details he forgot to factor in one small detail. You are missing your daughter everyday and suspect she is missing you as well. Your daughter wants to be home and to be there to be a part of all that she knows is going on. There is another detail that you have not mentioned but eluded to in your explanation of why you are feeling at angst with the school situation.

It really isn't about what the Catholic school lacks, or how your little girl feels at the end of the day, or even the materials that you want to use for homeschooling. It is about something far more precious and important. It seems to me that you are feeling 'called' to the homeschooling lifestyle. I suspect that you are feeling called by the Lord to redesign your family and create a new family experience through the homeschooling lifestyle. Remember that we refer to homeschooling as a lifestyle. It is schooling to be sure but it tunes itself to the family and the unique rhythm of one's family. You mentioned that your family seems 'fragmented'. Women are different in men in their approach to challenges. Your husband sees the immediate and strives to alleviate an obvious burden (in his mind this is schooling). You sense the heart of the challenge and desire to nurture the family in order to bring peace and order to your home (this is evident in your response to your mother's care and her needs). To nurture means to be available to listen to concerns, to set priorities in care, to make certain that your children's feelings are given validation and of course to create within your home an environment that seeks to hold one another in an embrace of love. This is not to say that your husband does not want these same goals as well, but his method of attaining them is different. Where men see a sink full of dirty dishes, mommy knows that the baby was cranky and her needs were a higher priority than washing dishes. Just like your husband's work: some days are just more of a challenge than others.

As you have said 'things are gradually returning to normal'. Time does heal many sorrows and time is a gift from the Lord. Speak with your husband however in terms of a trial period. At this early stage in the game of your daughter's education, it is advisable to take things slowly and see if indeed the homeschooling lifestyle is where the Lord is calling you. After you have spoken your concerns to your husband then agree to have a cooling off period and do not discuss the situation anymore. Both of you should pray privately about the matter and then come together to discuss what the Lord inspired through your prayers. Two weeks seems to be the best amount of time to sort through concerns in situations like this.

Perhaps it would be doable to finish out this school year and spend the time preparing and researching for the upcoming year. Take this opportunity to allow the Lord to show you what needs to be done in order to pave the way for a start to a wonderfully fresh and exciting homeschooling experience.

I admire you very much and ask that you keep me in your prayers as I will keep you and your family in my prayers as well.

Lord, we ask that all families have the great blessing of persons who are willing to sacrifice and care for the needs of the family. Lord, please allow that this dear father remain capable, strong and healthy as he goes about the work of caring for his family. Lord, we ask that You embrace this little family and give them the great comfort of Your peace as they adjust to the day to day challenges in the wake of sorrow. Amen.

Sending out a prayer,

Rita Munn