Dear Mom,

Thank you for your letter as it addresses a concern that is shared by many parents. In fact, to my mind, this challenge is one that is so common (among publicly schooled and homeschooled children as well) that I am beginning to believe that it is more of a developmental issue and not merely a discipline issue.

Remember that issues of discipline and immaturity are not solved merely through homeschooling. By and large homeschooling brings to light these issues and in other words pinpoints the problem areas making them easier to handle and to recognize. I have always felt that whatever challenges I deal with in homeschooling were part of the growing process and easier to handle because I was homeschooling.

Learning to budget time and finish tasks in a timely manner is a skill that takes self discipline to achieve. Many times in the classroom environment the students have the effects of the dynamics at work in the classroom to help with this discipline. In other words, perhaps the student will receive a bad grade or miss playground time, etc. if their work is not finished in a certain amount of time. The teacher moves on to the next subject whether or not those students have completed their work. These motivators may sound positive and they could be if they instill self discipline in the child. However once the child rationalizes that he/she may not be upset by missing playground time or a bad grade then you have lost the prime inspiration for doing well. It is vitally important that students feel compelled to do well for personal reasons and not only to avoid punishment. I believe that this is an area where homeschooling has an unique advantage. Think about it for a moment. How many adults do you or your husband interface within a week that have missed appointments, deadlines or the like merely because they were not able to budget their time and do what needs doing? Go to any college campus and walk into any dorm. I assure you will find students who are 'cramming' for an exam or staying up through the night to finish a paper that is due in the morning. Much of this challenge is due to an inability to set priorities. In nursing it was called 'triage'. Examining the amount of work to be done and determining what needs to be done first, what can wait and what can wait for a longer amount of time.

The beauty of the homeschooling lifestyle is that you, as the principal, can make the virtue of an industrious spirit your priority without penalizing a classroom of students or the entire school for that matter. As the teacher you can invest whatever time is needed to work through this challenge. One of the major setbacks to the public school methodology is that many times students are passed from grade to grade carrying with them the 'negative baggage' that caused them problems. Think about this for a moment: parents are the most important teachers and it is teachers that will tell you this. However many times parents do not want this responsibility. Parents are pushed to help their child finish his homework, get to ball practice on time, eat dinner, etc. and go to bed and find little time to address issues of this type. With mercy towards those parents that are trying their best, there just isn't enough time in the day to correct the challenges that have muddled the day. Parents find that they would just as soon the school system answer the problems. This leaves the classroom teacher little choice considering she has a classroom full of students to attend to. She finds that she must use punishment to solve persistent discipline matters.

Begin today in a new way and with a new mind set. Sit with your son, his planner, and all of his books and a highlighter. Make note in his planner of the outside activities that you have planned for the week. Make certain that you write those activities in the appropriate day that you planned to do them. With your son's input help fill out his planner. Ask him what amount of work he feels he can reasonably accomplish in a given amount of time without your prodding or nagging. Then highlight those tasks that must be completed before he can go with you to an activity. Tell him in advance that you will be setting the timer as he works. Give him a designated amount of time to work and when that time is over have him move to another subject. Ask him to bring you the work he has accomplished so that you may see it and make a note of it in his planner.

Make certain that you hold him accountable for his school work. In our household there is a phrase that my husband likes to chant when the girls are eager to go to the movies, swim team, babysit, shopping with friends, etc. 'The wheels on the bus do not turn unless I see your planner.' It was aggravating at first to be constantly checking planners and setting limits but it has paid off in the long run. Mind you though, some of our children have a heightened sense of self discipline when it comes to finishing work and others seem to work well under the pressure of a deadline. Our son who is an architect and builds movie sets seems to thrive on working under a deadline or the pressure of deadline. Our oldest daughter who is a teacher with two children has never done well under pressure. If something is due on Friday she will have it completed and ready to go by Monday. Another daughter has an uncanny sense of priority. She can look at a list of tasks and triage those tasks in a peaceful manner and cull what she knows she can not do. So you see part of the process is your learning and your son's learning what his capabilities are and where he needs improvement. Though our son works well under pressure, he must know his limits in order to be respected in his field and to be referred for work due to his ability to finish assigned work.

Remember too that a certain amount of your time should be spent in instruction and hands on teaching. Your students deserve your undivided attention. Giving your undivided attention for a concentrated amount of time goes a long way. I would rather sit and be 100% a teacher than having the children coming to me all through the day as I try to do housework, etc. Your example of 'first things first' will be a positive witness for your children. If there are subjects that require more of your time (in our case it is math) then reserve the time in the evening (or whenever you have extra help from dad) for that subject. However, here again you must discipline yourself as well to not 'table' the instruction. It is a balance to be sure.

Many times I find that using a curriculum whereby the daily requirements are spelled out for the student to be a positive way to accomplish the above goals. Make certain however that the requirements of the curriculum are doable and realistic with regard to your household. If the curriculum needs to be altered then do so to meet your needs.

I admire you very much. From your profile I can see that you have your hands full with many responsibilities yet you have made time for prayer and desire to do what you feel is the Lord's will for your family. In that alone I am assured that you will have success with this challenge. When the Lord calls us into a vocation He empowers us to go forward into the work at hand. If necessary awake earlier than your children and spend some time in prayer speaking with the Lord about the day's challenges as you perceive them to be. Jesus longs to be in your life, helping every step of the way to walk the path He has prepared for you alone. What a comforting thought. The power of the Lord's own strength within my life and with my challenges. You are going to do great!

Addressing this important challenge now is going to be a wonderful advantage. Our goal as teachers is not to just impart a certain amount of academic information but to help our children mature into persons who are responsible and life long learners.

Let us pray together a Memorare for all those families that find they must work through sorrows today which have the risk of undermining their ability to care for the needs of their children.

Sending out a prayer,

Rita Munn