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Question:

Dear Rita, My daughter was diagnosed last year with ocd. I am confident in this diagnosis and we are trying to do everything we can to help her including counselors, psychiatrists, medication, etc. What's unusual is that her ocd has directed itself almost entirely onto her eleven year old sister. I'm not just talking typical fighting of girls that close in age but terror of touching anything "roo" her sister has touched, anger towards her for anything she does or says, once I caught her alone in her room disinfecting with Lysol when she thought no one was looking because her sister had stepped in her room. Punishments do nothing and I was so afraid this was hurting roo's self-esteem let alone what it was doing to the two littlest ones watching all this go on. I felt I had no choice but to put them back in public school just to separate them from each other as much as possible. This breaks my heart! Roo is a "pooh bear" of a girl with a huge heart and not one who picks fights or makes life difficult for others. What's ironic is that now they both seem to be enjoying themselves at school. However their relationship is still terrible. I just feel it gives roo a chance to be with others who don't treat her as basically a leper! To top it off, my husband has chronic kidney stones and we constantly go to the ER. This creates a chaotic home environment and school seemed like something stable. Our finances have gone catywompus because of his illness. Everything seems to be falling apart. I sit at home mourning things I wish I had (basically a happy Catholic homeschooling family) but it was just too much. Do you have any words of advice as to where I should go from here? My husband says I should maybe get a part time job substituting at the local elementary school. I just can't get over the fact that here I was trying to be a good stay at home mom, teaching my children and learning/deepening my faith with them and its as if the rug was pulled out from under me and I'm just sitting here scratching my head! Thanks for your time.

Answer:

Dear Mom,

Thank you for entrusting your concerns to this forum. When we are facing monumental challenges with regards to our family (those are the challenges that try us the most deeply because we love our families so much) it brings us great pain and confusion. We want only to solve all the problems and to reach a place of peace. All too often however we feel that the best way to be at peace is to have all the conflicts that we are facing resolved. I find myself thinking "Hmm, if I can just get this or that resolved then I can take a sigh of relief and return our home to 'normal' ". What seems to be more realistic is the clear truth that I will always be facing some challenge or another and that it is not the absence of challenge that determines my worth but how I handle the challenges that the Lord allows.

Jesus in His infinite mercy and tender love for us allows that we face certain challenges in our life. Some of these challenges are allowed as a result of poor choices, in the hopes that we will learn valuable lessons and take those lessons into the future with us. Some of the challenges are allowed because the Lord, in His infinite wisdom, knows from all eternity, that while certain circumstances appear to be a challenges in this moment in time they are actually better for us as they prevent us from making a poor choice later. And then there are those situations which are allowed that just do not seem to make sense and in fact seem impossible to deal with. It is then that we must pray all the harder for the eyes of faith. Faith will lead us to the Lord, His mercy, His healing and His empowerment.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that while sorrows and burdens are difficult to bear they do not separate us from the Lord. Jesus is in the details and longs to empower us with the grace and resources sufficient to work through any challenge and to do so for His Glory and our good through His love for us.

I would suggest that you take some time and dedicate a portion of your day to prayer. If only to rest from the many burdens that you are facing. Rest in the arms of the Lord. Rest in His embrace as though you are a child seeking comfort. Allow yourself to breathe slowly and relax into a deeper state of awareness of the Lord's presence in your life. Spend time before the Blessed Sacrament. Pray your concerns to the Lord and then be still and quiet as you listen to His response. Jesus will speak to your spirit. Do not try to solve every issue at the same time, but take the most pressing issue for the day or the moment and through the strength of Jesus work through the challenge. Look to see your overall goals and how you feel you can best address these.

Remember too that in working through hardships by first calling on the Lord and trusting in His care for you, you will be deepening your faith more completely than having all the situations resolved. Heaven awaits us and we long to hear "Enter my good and faithful servant". I admire you very much and believe you to be a prayerful woman seeking to know the Lord's will. God will honor the prayers of a mother.

Let us pray together a Memorare for all those families that find they must make extreme sacrifices financially in order to ensure that their family stays together in a safe and holy environment. Amen.

Sending out a prayer,

Rita Munn