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Question: I am homeschooling my 11 yr old son after years of Catholic school. He is in 5th grade. My husband and I decided to homeschool after seeing the result of all the stress and pressure that was placed on him in school. He is very bright but very burned out with learning and I don't know how to make it "fun" again. We love your program and the gentle approach, but even with that he complains and complains about having to work. I am focusing only on the basic core work but am facing lots of resistance. I am very concerned and worried. He is a very bright and kind boy and seeing him this way really breaks my heart. Do you have any suggestions for me to make him happy to learn again? Thank you so much and God Bless.
Answer:

Dear Mom,

Thank you for entrusting your question to this forum. Yours is a very special question in that it addresses the effects a stressful life can have on our children.

Many times children are unable to articulate exactly how undo pressures and stress affect them emotionally. The constant complaining and whining are merely a byproduct of a coping mechanism that your son most likely used to help him deal with the stress of the last school experience.

Until you are able to help him work through this he will probably continue to use this coping technique each time that he is faced with an unpleasant situation that appears to be a challenge. You see he was not able to move at his own pace and therefore saw each new challenge as a mountain of drudgery which would be impossible to overcome. Instead of developing an attitude of empowerment he felt defeated before he even got started.

I would suggest that you peel down your tutorial and concentrate on the core subjects in order to better able address the issues that are troubling him at this time. Spend time in talking about the challenges that he sees in his day and in particularly with the school work. As he begins to feel that he has some control over the situation he will gradually begin to go forward into more difficult work because he is feeling empowered.

Have you ever looked at an overstuffed, messy closet or garage and wondered how you would ever make sense of the mess and disorganization? All too often when we are faced with such a mountain of work our response is to either ignore the work ahead hoping that it goes away or too complain about how much work the challenge presents. While each of these responses is non-productive they are no doubt normal. Starting small and accomplishing what is doable is the best place to start. Outlining tasks and then approaching the work in an orderly fashion is also helpful.

When the children were very small it was easier to get their help cleaning up a toy mess if I would give them a small task to do such as 'pick up all the yellow legos' instead saying 'clean all your toys'. When you are working with your son think in terms of small tasks done well.

Keep moving forward and keep listening to your son's concerns. I often think that it takes a certain amount of time to detox a child from a bad habit and even longer if that bad habit is a coping technique. I admire you very much. You are doing a great job in that you have listened to the Lord's call for your family and you are moving with docility into the work ahead.

Let us offer up our prayers today for all those families who are facing challenges related to children who are seeking help and crying out to be understood. Lord, we ask that Your embrace be felt as these families struggle to meet the challenges ahead. Amen

Sending out a prayer,

Rita Munn

   
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