Dear Parent, Daily battles with a child are frustrating and overwhelming. You indicate that your daughter has been having difficulty getting her work done since Kindergarten. She is probably not ADD, but more likely an active normal child with a strong will. A normal second grader still needs lots of physical activity throughout the day. Her attention span may be 10-15 minutes at best. Before giving her more difficult work, I would try breaking down her lessons into smaller units. Some children can work steadily for two hours, understanding that then they are free to do as they please for most of the rest of the day. Others are not able to focus steadily for that long and actually want the thrill of a battle to enliven their day! This daily battling may seem normal to her.
If your daughter is strong willed, then you will have to be stronger without becoming angry or harsh. Set firm consistent boundaries that are appropriate for your daughter. That may mean that she must complete one page of work or work steadily for ten minutes before taking a short break of any kind. Yes, that's easy advice for me to give you, but implementing it is not. Put away all distractions and set the one page of work in front of her, or let her set a timer for ten minutes. Then she is on her own to get that work done although you will need to keep her in sight so she doesn't wander off. She remains in place until the timer goes off or until the page is done without any back and forth negotiating. Establish definite consequences for completion of the work and for non-completion. Make sure that your daughter understands the boundaries and the consequences before beginning the work, and that you will calmly, confidently, and yet authoritatively dispense those consequences depending upon the work done or not done. There is no reminding, hovering, negotiating, pleading, or arguing. If she insists that she needs a bathroom break, silently bring in a towel for her to sit on. She needs to understand that the boundaries are set and that her best interests lie in conforming to those boundaries. The idea is not to break her will, but to firmly discipline her so that her will does not control her and everyone around her.
A consequence for completing the work may be ten minutes of free time or a sticker or a small extra privilege. A consequence for not completing the work may be loss of a privilege, a time out, or a small extra chore. It is important that these consequences happen automatically and preferably soon corresponding to her sense of time, which differs from your sense of time. Lunchtime may seem hours away to her, while you know that you will barely have time to squeeze in everything that needs to be done before lunch. You will have to make this new calm, confident, and logical approach the normal way that schoolwork is done. If you believe that your daughter is bored, try providing a limited number of enrichment activities for her to do after she has completed her schoolwork. These activities can become privileges that she can earn extra time to engage in. Hands on puzzles, sculpting clay, paints, simple musical instruments, and other active enrichment activities will provide her with challenges and the opportunity to have more control over her environment in an appropriate way. You are correct in thinking that sending her to public school means that you will still face the same situation regarding homework. This is not an easy situation to resolve. It will take time and patience to build a new standard, but she will benefit enormously from that time and patience and the resulting new behavior.
May God bless you and your whole family as you meet these daily challenges. Peace be with you, Sandra Garant
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