Dear Mom, Your letter was such a holy witness of the Lord's power in one's life. I was encouraged and uplifted as I read your sincere words and heartfelt concerns. Though you describe your home as very small, it is obvious that whatever it may lack in worldly size it more than compensates with enormous graces and spiritual comfort owing to your family's docility within the Lord's will. The Lord has blest you and your family richly in that He has allowed you to speak frankly and honestly about your hopes and desires. Rest assured that your past choice has been forgiven you. The Lord has taken that sorrow and borne through it a purity and sweetness evident in your contrite heart and desire to begin anew. Indeed your husband is your co-partner in life and it is through this covenant of love and devotion, first and foremost centered upon the Lord's will for you, and secondly centered upon one another and the needs of your children that you will find your solace. It would be most profound if young women could have the benefit of women like yourself when they are making choices that will permanently affect their fertility. Fertility is a gift from the Lord. However the world rarely sees fertility in this manner. The world strives to tell a woman that she need only cease to be fertile and all her challenges will be over. I speak with a great many women on a daily basis through my work and when I attend conferences etc. and it brings me great sorrow to see a woman agonize over a past choice to become sterile. She feels the hurt of empty arms keenly but only several years after the initial act. Many times she must suffer the burden of sorrow alone for even her husband can not feel the depth of pain that she must bear. I believe that when one expresses this pain, contritely asks forgiveness and allows the tender mercies of the sweet and loving Jesus to soothe the brokenness (brought about by a poor choice) is then that true peace takes hold of the shattered spirit. You may or may not know about my son, Rudy. Years ago when he was just a teenager (barely 18) he made a choice that changed his life forever in this world. He was arrested and convicted of 1st degree murder and will spend the rest of his life in prison with no chance of parole. The man who lost his life was the ultimate sorrow (please pray for the repose of his soul). His life can never return to this world. The finality and the cost of Rudy's circumstances is in direct proportion to the gravity of this sorrow. In one instant life changed forever in this world and could have been permanently altered in the next if actions were not taken to ensure that the true home of Heaven was not lost. Many, many people were touched by this sorrow. And each of those persons had to make a choice in that moment, that this sorrow was visited upon them, to listen to the world or to allow the Lord to heal, comfort, guide, direct and ultimately soothe with the balm of His love the sorrow they experienced. Nothing happens in this world without the Lord's permission. That means that the Lord is never helpless in the face of the challenges that He alone allows in our life. Does that mean that the Lord accepts sin as our lot in life? Certainly not. But the Lord is the only one who can take the evil we do and redirect its strength to bring good from that evil. However the Lord needs our contrite heart, our desire to leave behind the sorrow, our willingness to work diligently through the challenges and our desire to rest from the work within His arms surrounded by His tender embrace. Rudy has reached a place of peace and lives his life solely for the Lord and Heaven. Though he will always carry a hidden (to the world) deep and abiding sorrow for the loss of the man's life he knows that that sorrow will be completely healed when he is called to his Heaven home. Only through docility of spirit are we healed in such a way. The wonder of such healing is that it opens the door for miracles and amazing graces. I could write volumes about the ways God has used Rudy in prison. Just your writing this letter is another example of this profound grace. Rest assured (though you may never know it this side of Heaven) there is a young woman reading your letter at this moment. She is contemplating ending her fertility or perhaps her husband's fertility. There may be a young woman reading this letter that is in an intimate relationship outside the covenant of marriage. Your beautiful and contrite expression of a past sorrow may be used by the Lord to bring her ever closer to His desires for her. Your letter, though quite simple, will be the Lord's tool. If I didn't believe this then I would stop my participation in this ministry immediately. I do not have time in my life for wasted efforts. Begin today to pray, pray, pray for the Lord's will in your life. Pray to follow His will alone. Ask that you be emptied from your own desires and filled with the desires of the Lord. Spend 10 minutes as often as you can find that 10 minutes, in front of the Blessed Sacrament. See this as going to the most powerful of physicians. The Lord is capable of healing everything. Everything. The Lord lives in our lives to heal, comfort, uplift, forgive, empower and bring us to the final glory of our Heaven home. There in our Heaven home there are no tears, sorrows or misgivings. The scripture that I held onto during the worst of our ordeal with Rudy was John 16:22. "For now you have sorrow, but I will return and you will know joy that no man can take from you." That is a promise to stand on. I am telling you this because I want you to enjoy the great benefit that such peace brings in this world of pain. I want you to feel the great happiness and rested spirit that comes of healing. But I also want you to experience the overwhelming empowerment of the Holy Spirit. Remember the Lord uses our sorrows borne for His glory to our advantage. Think about that. I must tell you one more thing that I am pressed to tell you. One of my favorite books is I Believe in Love by Fr. Jean C. J. d'Elbee. The author uses the writings of St. Therese of the Child Jesus as a type of spiritual guide or retreat. Wonderful book. In that book is stated a truth that she says is not commonly known or believed to the great sorrow of those who have sinned. 'If we come to the Lord with a desire to be forgiven our evil, the Lord not only heals what evil we have done to ourselves but the evil we have done around us as well'. My goodness!!!! Praise God for such a profound love as is His alone. I will close for now. Keep expecting miracles. Talk to your dear husband. I was praying for you and opened my NIV bible (I know that this is not a Catholic bible but sometimes it is the only one here at the desk because the girls are always 'borrowing' my reference books). No matter, you being a convert will appreciate the text I am sure. I asked the Lord to show me a scripture that might help you. Proverbs 13:12: 'Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.' Keep putting your hope in the Lord and do not let the world steal your hope. A woman who has a heart for children will never have empty arms. The Lord employs us fully to do His work on earth. You have shown yourself worthy of caring for children and that witness can not be hidden from the Lord for it is the Lord Who has empowered you to do so. Again thank you for your beautiful letter. Please pray for me and be assured of my prayers for you and your family. Sending out a prayer,
Rita Munn |
