Dear Mom,

Bless your heart. It is obvious that you have a heart for this little girl and are eager to make for her a home that is not only secure but spiritually uplifting and capable of fostering in her a lively faith and an industrious work ethic. Many times when our children are going through difficult times it is most painful for us because we must debate upon the correct way to approach the challenges in order that discipline be complete and sure without being too strict.

Let us look at her behavior outside the context of the homeschooling experience. Let us suppose for example that her teachers in the public school have called you in for a conference. They have expressed their dismay that such a bright and outgoing little girl would choose to be disagreeable and argumentative. They have told you that her behavior is not acceptable and is causing a disruption in the classroom environment. Think for a moment about the next approach that you would take.

Judging from your letter and the concientious tone of your concern I believe that you and your husband would seek to understand such behavior and then talk with your daughter carefully about the consequences of such behavior. Perhaps you would give her a trial period at least in which to improve before you saw it necessary to restrict her privileges. In other words, I feel certain that you would not allow your daughter to continue in such behavior without taking a stand. After all parenting involves the complete and total commitment to all aspects of the child, not just their physical care.

The behavior that your daughter is displaying is not out of character for an adolescent, but just the same they are behaviors that are contradictory for an easy and peaceful experience in the homeschool, public school, church, baseball team, shopping mall, dentist's office, or anywhere really. For you see it isn't just the outward sign of her challenges (the refusal to correct her work etc) that is at the heart of the challenge but the 'why' behind such behavior. It is very important that you and your husband let your daughter know just how much you love her and are committed to helping her adjust to homeschooling, America, friendships, family life, and any other issue that she may face. This love is translated in a complete willingness to help her work through this behavior, change the way she is acting and find that obedience and docility of heart will be her best assets as she continues her education and life.

Remember that adolescents are fantastic people. They have an energy that can be contagious. They are dreamers and many times their thoughts wander down paths that are the gateway to future life goals and accomplishments. With this said it is important to remember that work that appears tedious or unnecessary often causes them to rebel and seek a faster way of accomplishing the same goal. This is not entirely a negative feature of their makeup. Exploring different ways to accomplish tasks more efficiently is an important part of the human mind. Yet there is no room for sloppy work. Speak with your daughter and get her honest opinions about the amount and method of work that you are assigning her.

Perhaps there is a homeschool co-operative experience from which she could benefit. Maybe being with other homeschooling children will help her to see that working through these issues is part of the lessons that she must learn in homeschool and beyond.

I admire you very much. I sense that you are very grateful to the Lord for the gift of this little girl into your family. I sense that you are eager and happy to do what is necessary to ensure that her experience will foster a lively education. Before you think of seriously returning her to a public school experience it is important to work through the challenges that you described. If she does not master these challenges then her experience in the school system will only be marred by disciplinary action to correct the 'baggage' that she brought with her.

Go forward in the knowledge and the truth that Jesus has gifted this child to your care and He will empower you to work through the challenges that you are facing. If you have not already begun the habit of family prayer, I would suggest that you begin this evening. Hearing your parents pray for you in a loving and concerned way is powerful and the same is true for parents when their children pray for them. You are doing a wonderful job. Keep the faith and continue in this holy work.

Let us pray for all those children that will be adopted this day. Please provide that they have time to adjust and to experience the joy of being loved unconditionally. Lord, we ask too that all parents ask for the guidance that is of the Holy Spirit and will allow them to see the world through the eyes and heart of their young people. Amen

Sending out a prayer,

Rita Munn